Our Aging Parents

"If only I'd known ... I would have done things differently!"

Quality of Life – An Expanded View

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Quality of Life includes all physical, psychological and social aspects of a person’s life Health / Fitness — How is your daily living affected by medical problems, disease, disability, disorder, pain or discomfort? Do you exercise regularly? What other physical activities do you do regularly? Do you have healthy eating habits? How is your strength […]

I Never Have Time For Myself

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Sooner or later, most caregivers learn that they can no longer “do it all” and still find time for themselves, much less their families. A big part of self-care isn’t always about doing something for yourself, but also by saying no to things that drain you.

Make this commitment to yourself: Your “me” time is essential and non-negotiable. Organize … Continue Reading →

Where can I find help?

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Asking for help is hard for a lot of complicated reasons. Sometimes, as caretakers, we don’t feel entitled to ask for help. Or, we’re embarrassed because “it would look like we can’t handle the job.”

Especially if you feel that you’re “on duty” 24 hours a day, see if a trusted friend or family member can share in the care duties. Or, consider using respite care services from a home health agency or adult day services. … Continue Reading →

You Are Totally Overwhelmed

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Sooner or later, nearly everyone feels this one. It’s completely natural, and nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about.

Caregivers often feel overwhelmed — that they’ve lost control over their lives — that they’re constantly “winging it” because of fast changing, unpredictable priorities — that their days are full of unknowns, self-doubts and questions like, “Am I doing the right thing?”

Do I worry too much?

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Worry is the way we try to cope with our fear of the unknown — and of potentially bad outcomes. The question is: “Does worry work for you or does it make you miserable?”

Productive worry leads to to-do lists of actions we can take, even if the list includes only one solution for each thing we worry about. Unproductive worry is about things we can’t do anything about — and keeps us from enjoying other aspects of our lives. … Continue Reading →

How to Talk with Your Elderly Parent about Driving

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I remember the conversations I had with my mother early in 2001. I can’t believe I was so naive! Dad had just passed away and Mom hadn’t driven for 5 years. She had mild vascular dementia and was on heavy-duty pain medication for severe lower-back pain. Because my sisters and I lived more than 1,000 miles away, we hired a caregiver to be with Mom from early morning until she went to bed, 7 days a week. … Continue Reading →

How to Talk with Your Parent about Their Money

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What if your parent was in a serious accident tomorrow? Could someone they trust step in and temporarily handle their financial affairs, even if it’s just to pay their bills?

What if your parent should die tomorrow? Could their heirs easily find the personal and financial records they’d need to settle your parent’s estate? Or, will the heirs find a jumble of unorganized … Continue Reading →

How to Talk with Your Parent about Advance Directives

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Many people think that advance directives apply only to someone who has lived a long life and is now close to death. But, just like the question, “When does caregiving begin?,” the answer could easily be, “suddenly — in the blink of an eye — because of a car accident, a stroke, a heart attack or another medical emergency.”

My wife and I created our advance directives in 2006, just before my spinal surgery. Had something gone wrong, my wife had full legal authority to make any necessary medical decisions for me … Continue Reading →