“I am a dreadful Narcissist. I am a 52 year old SWF who just days ago, was able to finally see what everyone else has been seeing for years.”
One of our readers recently offered the following “confession.”
“For reference, the last post I read here before deciding to speak up, was dated back in 2008, so I don’t know if any other narcissists have come forward, but I have to do this if for no other reason than … I’m a Narcissist and that’s what we do.
It is my hope that whoever you are, whatever your reason for being here, that my post gives you some kind of insight into this disorder/behavior. So, here we go … let’s do this and see how it turns out … lol …
First of all, I am of the success driven/attention whore type. I am meticulously clean, because in my mind, only really clean people have value.
I grew up quite poor, but being the youngest of 3, can’t really say I was terribly underprivileged because my older sister spoiled me at every opportunity. None the less, my lower socioeconomic status was always my reason for my desire to want and need to be financially successful. I didn’t say it was justifiable, merely that’s what I’ve always attributed it to.
But moving forward, I am admittedly very talented in many different areas, but know this, ANYTHING that I did not feel I could master, I either walked away from … or never tried. It is beyond the comprehension of a narcissist to accept defeat, failure, being thought of as “less than” [emphasis added], ooops … putting MYSELF in a position to be judged in a negative manner … OMG … can you say OXYMORON with me?
HHMmmmm … I’m torn between speaking only of my personal feelings and experiences and trying to share with you … [and] others like myself, who I have I have failed miserably at being in relationships with …. which includes both private and professional.
And naturally, I do not accept this as a “disorder” because in my mind, that would imply that I was sick … aka=imperfect in some way, so I am struggling still simply to accept this newly discovered information about myself as a behavioral issue … and THAT is why you are reading this.
I believe that this is a genuine turning point for me …”being able to SEE”. But for those of you who have loved ones you are trying to “help,” I can promise you this … if they can’t see it, they don’t know it, and any narcissist who doesn’t know, won’t budge.
If you want a narcissist to hear what you’re saying, it has to look like they said it first … it is as stupid as it sounds but it works. If you want me to “listen” to you, as a narcissist, I have to hear you say (yes, you will have to be creative) “OMG, I was almost thinking the same thing … you never cease to amaze me with your intelligence; how on earth did you get so smart?” Granted, those may well not be the words you use, but I PROMISE, that is what the narcissist must HEAR if he/she will even consider that you are intelligent enough to comment on his/her life/choices, etc.
Personally, I have found few experts on the street in my life and being in the sales industry has only confirmed my internal belief that I am the Goddess of the Universe. Tonight, I’m open to a different day tomorrow, but I’m certain it’s going to require a very uncomfortable behavior.”
I don’t know what prompted her to make her confession, but whatever the reason, it’s not important. What is important is that she has opened her “I’m important” door just a crack and has let some “normalcy” shine in.
If she truly means what she said, she’s in for a very tough time for a long time — probably worse than drug withdrawal. But, some narcissists can be “cured.” She’ll need a lot of help and understanding from other people in her life. But, most of all, she must prove to herself just how mentally tough she really is. She’s going to have to eat a lot of “humble pie.” She must learn to give back, not just take. She must honestly apologize to those she’s hurt and genuinely ask them for help to continue on her road to recovery. And, she must become a person of true empathy, that is, a direct identification with, deep emotional understanding of, and vicarious experiencing of another person’s situation — their feelings, thoughts, attitudes, motives and problems — “becoming one” with the other person.
I, for one, will support her in her efforts — even if she temporarily falls off the wagon. I ask everyone else to do the same.